Laxative enforcement

An economics student at City University London wrote in his exam that the failure of Northern Rock was due in part to the laxative enforcement policies of the regulator.

This and other exam howlers were reported to Times Higher Education.

Put people first

Good writing is all about people. If a tree falls over in a wood, what we care about is whether it hit anyone. What we write about is what happens to people, what the impact is on people, how people react.

An asteroid hit Canada today,

is badly written because it does not address what is most important.

Hundreds were killed and thousands injured when an asteroid hit Canada today,

immediately tells us the scale of the events, and gives us and idea of the impact (excuse the pun) on our lives. After all, if the asteroid was only 1cm across and fell in a lake harming no one, it is not much of a story.

If there is more than one group of people in a story, focus on those your readers are most likely sympathise with. In fact, most of the time, your readers (at least some of them) will be the subjects of your stories. If you are writing for a small business website:

The government has announced regulations on sewerage,

seems dull and irrelevant.

People who make textiles say it will cost them millions to implement new sewerage regulations,

grabs the readers' attention a little better. It is the same story, but it has been written to focus on individuals.

There is an order of priority for deciding who should be the main subject of a story:

1. People like your readers


2. Representatives of people like your readers


3. Official organisations or government representatives

Only mention big anonymous organizations if you really cannot rewrite the story around individuals. Personal insight and case study material will work best, but remember it is arrogant to assume you are like your reader: don’t make yourself the case study.

Sometimes writers forget they are writing about people, and write about job titles. What someone has to say is usually more interesting and relevant than who they are.

Following the asteroid strike, Sir Hugh Jellicoe, Professor of Meteorology and Interplanetary Science at the University of Toronto said: "Run for your lives."

If the quote is as urgent as this, it is much better coming first. Even complete paragraphs can be turned around so that what someone has to say comes first, and the background comes afterwards. This can seem counter-intuitive, but by putting the interesting stuff first, we build up enough good will to keep the reader going through the boring stuff in the rest of the paragraph.

Shaving copy

There are writers who use 1000 words where just 12 will do. And there are give away signs that a sentence could be shorter. The first is that the sentence is a long one.

Post Office workers who staged an unofficial wild-cat strike this week in protest over new terms and conditions which Royal Mail managers want to impose, have said they will not be prevented from taking this course of action again.

The second give away is cunningly concealed repetition. Are Post Office and Royal Mail not the same thing in this context? Unofficial and wild-cat have the same meaning too. Are terms and conditions different?

The third clue is the use of unnecessary words. How, for example, is a course of action different from action? In any case, action is a vague word. What the writer really means is strike which he has already said, bringing us back to concealed repetition. This says the same thing:

Postal workers say they may strike again over terms their managers want to impose.

Differentiating your site

• Focus on reader
• Focus on benefits
• Provide things they cannot easily get elsewhere
• Focus on scoops (original material) rather than breakers (being first)
• Make it context sensitive
• Look at the key words across yourentire site — does this sound like a market leader?
• Use opinion and feedback to build relationship with reader
• Do everything well (almost no-one else does)

Making writing personal

• The writing is easier to relate to
• It helps credibility if the reader feels they know you
• But... it is easy to do the opposite if you write about yourself too much
• Remember the person the reader cares about is them, not you
• Use personal references only where they help the reader make sense of your story
• You can also make writing more personal by referring to the reader, using case studies or profiles, by creating fictional characters

For the scan reader

• People scan in an F shape
• The tops and starts have particular significance
• Summarise what you want to say in a single 20 word sentence
• Pick out the 3 key words
• Use those 3 words in the first six of the main head
• Use those 3 words in the first six of the intro
• Use the words people would search on if they wanted to find your story
• Limit paragraphs to a single idea
• Pick out the 3 key words in sections and paragraphs
• Use at the start of those sections and paragraphs
• Use bullet lists, pull quotes, captions, text panels

Knighthood awarded

Nils Olav the Colonel in Chief of the Norwegian King's Guard was knighted today at Edinburgh zoo.

The story was widely covered because Nils Olav is a penguin.

Many writers strayed from the traditional 5Ws model which is a shame because I am left wondering "why?" I cannot find the answer in any of these:

• BBC
• MSNBC
• Sky
• The Telegraph

The traditional news intro answers the questions Who?, What?, Why?, Where? and When? (the 5Ws). Modern web news often misses out the Where? and When? in favour of conciseness. But never miss out the Why? because it also tells the reader why they should read on.

It is a particular failing of the funny stories, but they still need a why, otherwise I might conclude the Norwegians are mad.

Birmingham photo blunder

Birmingham City Council (in England) printed nearly three quarters of a million leaflets showing a picture of Birmingham, Alabama (in America) according to the Mirror.

A council spokesman said: We accept that the wrong photo was used - but the text is correct, which is the main thing.

The redraft - a 10 step guide

1. Read the copy. It might seem obvious, but many stressed-out writers try to circumvent this first step, editing the intro before they have read the conclusion. You cannot do a good job unless you have the whole story in your head.
2. Assess the story for:
   • Relevance to the reader
   • Interest value
   • How it works with other material
   If necessary, consider substantial changes to make the story more relevant, and add more information.
3. Assess the structure looking particularly at:
   • Sense and logical flow
   • Use of hard facts
   • Attribution of quotes and other information
   At this stage you may need to consider structural changes to improve the flow of the story, to bring out the most interesting or most important facts first, and to focus the story better on individuals.
4. Check the angle and the intro of the piece. Are they working? Can you see a way to make them work better? Often, when you identify interesting or important information that has been buried in a story, you also find a new and better angle.
5. Rewrite the story.
6. In the process of restructuring, cut out unnecessary words, remove cliches, rewrite passive and negative sentences, and make the copy clearer and simpler wherever possible.
7. Go back to 1 and assess the piece as you have rewritten it. You may have to go round this loop several times until you are happy with the copy.
8. Check the facts. If there is anything you are unhappy with, go back to the original source or a second or third source to verify the facts.
9. Check spelling, grammar, punctuation. Check also that the copy adheres to the publication’s style guide.
10. When you are absolutely happy with the copy, just check it one last time (bet you spot something).