News approaches on the web

Failing U.S. carmaker General Motors says it will run out of cash this month unless the taxpayer comes up with $4billion (£2.68billion) immediately, reported The Mail on 3 December.

This 21 word intro presents a complex news story simply and clearly but also manages to include elements that will grab the reader's attention:

• Real people the reader will care about -- the taxpayer
• A big number -- $4billion
• An urgency -- immediately

Here is how the Washington Post started the same story on the same day:

General Motors, an icon of American manufacturing and the world's largest automaker, yesterday threw itself at the mercy of Congress, saying it needed $4 billion to avert a cash crisis by the end of the month and as much as $18 billion in federal loans over the next year.

This version has the big number and the urgency but lacks the human element. It also requires the reader to process a 49-word sentence with a diversion into a sub-clause almost immediately. There is so much information on the web and it is so easy to find, that readers tend to be impatient. This means that a 25-word sentence containing a single thought is plenty, even for an intellectual audience.

The WP writers know their intro is not grabbing attention so they have hyped it up:

• ...an icon of...
• ...threw itself at the mercy...

But sadly these cliches tend to deaden writing rather than enliven it. Talking of cliche, this is how the Times of India reported the story:

To tide over the turbulent times, the beleaguered auto makers are leaving no stone turned [sic] to secure financial aid from the US, with Chief Executives of General Motors and Ford even ready for an annual salary of one dollar.