Shaving copy
There are writers who use 1000 words where just 12 will do. And there are give away signs that a sentence could be shorter. The first is that the sentence is a long one.
Post Office workers who staged an unofficial wild-cat strike this week in protest over new terms and conditions which Royal Mail managers want to impose, have said they will not be prevented from taking this course of action again.
The second give away is cunningly concealed repetition. Are Post Office and Royal Mail not the same thing in this context? Unofficial and wild-cat have the same meaning too. Are terms and conditions different?
The third clue is the use of unnecessary words. How, for example, is a course of action different from action? In any case, action is a vague word. What the writer really means is strike which he has already said, bringing us back to concealed repetition. This says the same thing:
Postal workers say they may strike again over terms their managers want to impose.
Post Office workers who staged an unofficial wild-cat strike this week in protest over new terms and conditions which Royal Mail managers want to impose, have said they will not be prevented from taking this course of action again.
The second give away is cunningly concealed repetition. Are Post Office and Royal Mail not the same thing in this context? Unofficial and wild-cat have the same meaning too. Are terms and conditions different?
The third clue is the use of unnecessary words. How, for example, is a course of action different from action? In any case, action is a vague word. What the writer really means is strike which he has already said, bringing us back to concealed repetition. This says the same thing:
Postal workers say they may strike again over terms their managers want to impose.
Labels: Journalism, Writing tips
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home